I know what I did --- I let him in, opened my heart again .... and guess what happened!
I was doing just fine in my own little world when he came along ... I was busy living my life and then he comes in and messes with it again. I tried to find that old feeling ... lo and behold, it was still at the deepest recess of my heart, as if only waiting for that one perfect moment to make its presence felt!
Our past was not what you can call eventful ... in fact, it ended as abruptly as it started ... I guess I was just too young to take things seriously then. That decision to just let him go then was probably the best one I made.
But then he had to come back ....
For a while there I thought it was going to be all roses ... but I was wrong --- some things are better left unsaid, some feelings are better left unrequited and kept, some people from the past are better left there --- that realization seems to have come a little too late!
The past year haven't been bright and sunny ... truth is, the year that was has been full of struggles --- I always thought that love was all the matters and that if two people loved each other very much they can take on every storms together.
As I look back, I don't have regrets ... I let my guards down. I let my heart open again to someone whom I thought came just at the right time ... but then, maybe I was wrong --- I read the signs differently.
Now that we are at the crossroads ... I might have lost him forever but come to think of it, tears haven't started falling ... either I have been calloused by life itself or I really didn't love him anymore to begin with. Maybe I was just so caught up in the idea of him coming back and saying things I've always wanted him to say ... maybe I was still guilty of saying no to him many, many years ago ... maybe I really didn't love him ... or maybe I did!
Now I am confused even more.
madiesms
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