Monday, May 14, 2012

The Art of Letting Go

"We often fool ourselves and say
That it's love only 'cause when it's gone 
We end up being lonely. 
So how are we to know
That it just wasn't so 
That we have to let each other go."

It's over. He's gone. 

Why do we have to part while the love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to cry when someone bids us goodbye? Why do beginnings have endings? Why do we have to meet only to part in the end? 

There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, songs left unsung, love unexpressed, and promises left unfulfilled. 

In any relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you'll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go feel not the pain of parting. It is they who are left behind who suffer because they are left with memories of a love they thought was meant to be, a love that was. 

"There are times when
We share precious moments
But later realize 
They were only stolen moments.
So how are we to know
That it just wasn't so
That we just have to let each other go."

At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the way life and love goes. That's the bittersweet drama and the risk of falling in love. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to an end without us knowing when,  without us knowing how, without us knowing why. And we must forget, not because we want to but because we have to. 

In letting go, sorrow comes not as a single spy but battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, in everything you do, in every song you hear, by every move of your body, every beat of your heart, and and every breath  you take always remind you of him. It's just too painful ... as if a knife has stabbed you right in the heart. 

Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing! Just imagine there are more than four billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without that someone.

I don't know if its worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills with a considerable space and time. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part --- not all wishes come true. Not all love stories end with "and they lived happily ever after."

Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others. 

We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pain with a realization that every beginnings have its endings, like every dawn has its dusk. It's something we can't control, something that we have to live with. 

It's over. He's gone! But life has to go on. Goodbyes don't always mean forever. There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be opened, songs will be sung, love will be expressed in solitude, and promises will be kept and fulfilled.

Somewhere ... somehow ... someday ...

"If loving you is all that means to me
And being happy is all I hope you'll be
If loving you must mean 
I really have to set you free." 

madiesms
feb '98

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Someone from the Past

What if someone from your past comes back? And they fight their way back into your life ... what do you do? 


I know what I did --- I let him in, opened my heart again .... and guess what happened! 


I was doing just fine in my own little world when he came along ... I was busy living my life and then he comes in and messes with it again. I tried to find that old feeling ... lo and behold, it was still at the deepest recess of my heart, as if only waiting for that one perfect moment to make its presence felt! 


Our past was not what you can call eventful ... in fact, it ended as abruptly as it started ... I guess I was just too young to take things seriously then. That decision to just let him go then was probably the best one I made. 


But then he had to come back .... 


For a while there I thought it was going to be all roses ... but I was wrong --- some things are better left unsaid, some feelings are better left unrequited and kept, some people from the past are better left there --- that realization seems to have come a little too late! 


The past year haven't been bright and sunny ... truth is, the year that was has been full of struggles ---  I always thought that love was all the matters and that if two people loved each other very much they can take on every storms together. 


As I look back, I don't have regrets ... I let my guards down. I let my heart open again to someone whom I thought came just at the right time ... but then, maybe I was wrong --- I read the signs differently. 


Now that we are at the crossroads ... I might have lost him forever but come to think of it, tears haven't started falling ... either I have been calloused by life itself or I really didn't love him anymore to begin with. Maybe I was just so caught up in the idea of him coming back and saying things I've always wanted him to say ... maybe I was still guilty of saying no to him many, many years ago ... maybe I really didn't love him ... or maybe I did! 


Now I am confused even more. 

madiesms
050812